Fact 1 - the name of this movie is "Threesome"

Fact 2 - it was made for television back in 1984

Fact 3 - it co-stars the guy who played the Dad on Silver Spoons

Any single one of those facts could be overcome, but probably any two - and certainly all three - are nails in the proverbial coffin. I think all we're missing is Peter Scolari.

What's more, we have a terrible framing device of the two male leads fighting each other all over Manhattan. The filmmakers are being imaginative, at least, but it doesn't work. It's like a finger pointing at the audience reminding us that what we're watching is supposed to be important.

Perhaps this would have been a mediocre movie, but that possibility was blown away by one critical decision in pre-production: the two male leads look nearly identical! I was confused for the first half hour about which one was beating up the other. Two white blondes with bad feathered eighties hair simply no longer make for romantic leads.

The story itself has nothing to do with threesomes (not really - there's some slightly risque things implied - interesting for something made for television at that time). No, it's a romantic triangle, which should therefore imply two of the characters fighting at some point - don't they know that repeatedly saying the obvious will bore your audience.

The plot hinges on believing things about our worldly, wacky co-lead that just aren't quite set up properly. The whole thing starts getting more interesting at the end, so why did they make us wait so long for it? What if this guy was possessed or infested by aliens or something all along? It could actually have worked... Hmmm.